The Fine Art of Insults

Listen up, you repulsive rabbit-eared rascals! If you want to know how to insult your friends and family in style, then head over to the fabulous Word Spelunking blog to check out my guest post today. Of course if you do try it out and get into terrible trouble with your Mum / best friend / scary wart-nosed teacher, I'll deny everything.  That's the kind of mean, low-down pirate I am.  And proud of it.

I've got mail!!

Something rather wonderful plopped into my inbox this morning. No, it wasn't a Saturn stinkfish or an electronic copy of How to Tackle Scurvy Schoolboys and their Gruesome Grandmothers (although I could certainly do with one of those). Guess again...

That's right! It was my very first piece of pirate post. Click on YOUR PIRATE POST to see the fantastic picture sent in by Buccaneer Bob. I keep going back for another look - he's almost as handsome as me!

How to Stay Clean in Space

Pesky prisoners sometimes ask why I'm so dirty and smelly (just before I make them walk the plank for being cheeky). The simple answer is I like smelling this way. I think my special scent of cheesy feet, bananas skins and rotten fish guts is the best smell in the whole wide universe.

But there's another good reason for my whiffy ways... getting clean in space can be REALLY HARD! If you watch this video you'll see just what I mean:

Welcome aboard! I'm Bloodthirsty Blackbeard the Bad, the Beastliest Buccaneer in the universe, but you can call me Blackbeard for short. I'm the stinky star of a book called The Adventures of Jake & Moon Granny: Space Pirate Panic! but for some reason the author, Jaye Seymour, forgot to put MY name on the cover...