IT'S ALL ABOUT ME, ME, ME!!!

Sound the stinkhorn! Alert the pong-press!  MY book, all about ME, Beastly Blackbeard the Bad, is finally here! Unfortunately it also stars that irritating earthsqueak of a schoolboy, Jake, and his pink-haired pestbeetle of a grandmother, but I'm sure I'll get the better of them this time.  After all, it is called BLACKBEARD'S REVENGE.  

If you'd like to get your hands on a copy, send your parent over to Amazon.com or Amazon.uk, and prepare for some big laughs, some exciting adventure, and a smell that's out of this world...

How To Cut Your Nails In Space.

Anyone brave (or foolish) enough to venture on board my spaceship might have noticed the pile of filthy toenail clippings in the middle of the floor. In fact you can't really miss it.  It's not quite high enough to reach the ceiling yet, but it's getting there... 

I think it it adds a touch of pirate class, personally (as well as being a handy hideout for space-lice), but your Earthsqueak astronauts are much fussier about their nail clippings: 

I've got mail!!

Something rather wonderful plopped into my inbox this morning. No, it wasn't a Saturn stinkfish or an electronic copy of How to Tackle Scurvy Schoolboys and their Gruesome Grandmothers (although I could certainly do with one of those). Guess again...

That's right! It was my very first piece of pirate post. Click on YOUR PIRATE POST to see the fantastic picture sent in by Buccaneer Bob. I keep going back for another look - he's almost as handsome as me!