How To Cut Your Nails In Space.

Anyone brave (or foolish) enough to venture on board my spaceship might have noticed the pile of filthy toenail clippings in the middle of the floor. In fact you can't really miss it.  It's not quite high enough to reach the ceiling yet, but it's getting there... 

I think it it adds a touch of pirate class, personally (as well as being a handy hideout for space-lice), but your Earthsqueak astronauts are much fussier about their nail clippings: 

How to Brush Your Teeth in Space (Unless You're a Stinky Pirate)

One of the best things about being a stinky space pirate with brain-blastingly bad breath is NEVER having to brush your teeth.  But life's not so easy for you goody-goody Earthlings,with your horribly healthy hygiene habits. Brushing your teeth in space can be tricky - especially if you forget to switch your gravity booster on...

How to Stay Clean in Space

Pesky prisoners sometimes ask why I'm so dirty and smelly (just before I make them walk the plank for being cheeky). The simple answer is I like smelling this way. I think my special scent of cheesy feet, bananas skins and rotten fish guts is the best smell in the whole wide universe.

But there's another good reason for my whiffy ways... getting clean in space can be REALLY HARD! If you watch this video you'll see just what I mean: